Sunday, December 29, 2013

Guilty - his eyes made me.

Foodie though I am, figuring out what and where to have lunch while at work is something I despise. I wish I could skip lunch everyday, but for this hunger.

Hunger – a curse it is.

I would much rather eat out with friends without a worry for time, or concern about getting back to work. But it becomes an expensive affair, both in terms of availability of friends and money at a given point in time.

One such rather odd afternoon when my usual lunch place was shut, I had to rummage around to see where else to go. It so happened that there two other workmates with me then, unlikely but possible. So the three of us decided to eat Chinese that afternoon – there weren’t very many options around work, anyway.
It was the last working day before an 8-day compulsory vacation the office had given all its employees – a celebratory mood in the air already. I was extremely sleepy and hungry and cranky – yes the whole package! I was practically pushing the minute with all my strength. So what must have been few minutes seemed an eon to me before the food arrived. With the kind of hunger that vanquished me, I stuffed my face as quickly as I could. Secretly wishing time would pass quickly for evening to happen and vacation to begin.
After all the banter, which I hardly participated in, was over and we decided to leave. I noticed there was a good portion of food left in the bowl despite having eaten quite well. None of us could ingest a morsel more lest we wanted to burst!
Just moments ago a single bite would have driven me to a rapture but now that bowl of food made me nauseous – I go back to the curse called hunger!
Weighing how I felt before food, I decided to pack it hoping I could give it to someone.
I must at this point admit how awkward I felt carrying that bag. If I were going home I would have carried it with me. But now, how do I decide whom to give it to? There weren’t anyone nearby seeking alms, which would have been ideal. I felt extremely conscious at this point bordering nervousness. Scanning everyone walking past me, wondering if they would take it!
Very hesitantly I approached a couple of security guards. My feet forced me not to, but I forced myself – it was a tough reluctant walk I give you that! While my mind was running rehearsals on how to approach them with food, I had appeared in front of them already. I froze. Gulped that awkwardness and asked them if they wished to eat some food and said, it was still hot.

What happened on the 24th of December is haunting me even this moment. As if I wasn’t paranoid about not belittling anyone / look down upon the person who I approach – I was shook up right by this man.
Of the two, one extended his hand to take it while the other, who was seated in a chair – refused. Just refused.
His eyes pierced me very existentially and I walked back still staring at his eyes until I turned away realizing I was creating a scene. What shook me the most was the calm demeanor with which he raised his hand and said, “no madam”. He didn’t feel angry, irritated, upset, belittled – nothing.

I want to go talk to this man again. I feel I have some unexpressed 'wordless' exchanges to catch up with.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Photo blog series 3

Bounded by the worldly verity
I look up to you with woe
You comfort me at times
When friends have turned foe

My love affair with you
Isn't like the rest
Cos a night with you
Puts all else to test

Your love is pensive
Unpretentious and rich
Takes me to paradise
No questions, no hitch

And when I lose myself
You lure me again
To a dose too many
With that ignorance you feign.

I wake up in relic
In awe and in lust
I know not this world, but you
In alcohol I trust!!

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Photo blog series 2

Image: magnifico from Mumbai
स्पष्ट, आनंद सा तू
झाँक रहे हो खिड़की से 
छू ना पाऊँ मैं तुझे 
पर दिल नही है बस मे

धीमी गती से तेरा उदय 
उत्साह दिल मे भरपूर 
ये रंग, ये रोशनी 
करे मन की उदासी दूर

प्यार है तेरी इस शैली से 
जवाब मे बस एक इशारा चाहूँ 
श्याम है समीप - तेरे बिना
भला है मैं ना रहूँ..

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Photo blog series 1

सुनहरे दिन, बेफिक्र श्याम
खामोश रात
चंचल सी मैं
कहा  छोड़ आ गई 

तंदरुस्त बढ़न, युवा अंदाज़
मानसिक बयान
निडर सी मैं
कहाँ छोड़ आ गई

मैत्रिक हर्ष, असीमित हँसी
गुप्त वादे
लौकिक सी मैं
कहाँ छोड़ आ गई

अंतरंग इच्छा, अकथ उत्साह
कामुक बदन
यौन सी मैं
कहाँ छोड़ आ गई

चाहूँ बस एक और मौका
जीने इन लम्हों को
अब अंत है निकट - ज़िन्दगी
मैं तुमको कहाँ छोड़ आ गई 
कहाँ छोड़ आ गई