Guilty - his eyes made me.

Foodie though I am, figuring out what and where to have lunch while at work is something I despise. I wish I could skip lunch everyday, but for this hunger.

Hunger – a curse it is.

I would much rather eat out with friends without a worry for time, or concern about getting back to work. But it becomes an expensive affair, both in terms of availability of friends and money at a given point in time.

One such rather odd afternoon when my usual lunch place was shut, I had to rummage around to see where else to go. It so happened that there two other workmates with me then, unlikely but possible. So the three of us decided to eat Chinese that afternoon – there weren’t very many options around work, anyway.

It was the last working day before an 8-day compulsory vacation the office had given all its employees – a celebratory mood in the air already. I was extremely sleepy and hungry and cranky – yes the whole package! I was practically pushing the minute with all my strength. So what must have been few minutes seemed an eon to me before the food arrived. With the kind of hunger that vanquished me, I stuffed my face as quickly as I could. Secretly wishing time would pass quickly for evening to happen and vacation to begin.

After all the banter, which I hardly participated in, was over and we decided to leave. I noticed there was a good portion of food left in the bowl despite having eaten quite well. None of us could ingest a morsel more lest we wanted to burst!

Just moments ago a single bite would have driven me to a rapture but now that bowl of food made me nauseous – I go back to the curse called hunger!

Weighing how I felt before food, I decided to pack it hoping I could give it to someone.

I must at this point admit how awkward I felt carrying that bag. If I were going home I would have carried it with me. But now, how do I decide whom to give it to? There weren’t anyone nearby seeking alms, which would have been ideal. I felt extremely conscious at this point bordering nervousness. Scanning everyone walking past me, wondering if they would take it!

Very hesitantly I approached a couple of security guards. My feet forced me not to, but I forced myself – it was a tough reluctant walk I give you that! While my mind was running rehearsals on how to approach them with food, I had appeared in front of them already. I froze. Gulped that awkwardness and asked them if they wished to eat some food and said, it was still hot.

What happened on the 24^th of December is haunting me even this moment. As if I wasn’t paranoid about not belittling anyone / look down upon the person who I approach – I was shook up right by this man.

Of the two, one extended his hand to take it while the other, who was seated in a chair – refused. Just refused.

His eyes pierced me very existentially and I walked back still staring at his eyes until I turned away realizing I was creating a scene. What shook me the most was the calm demeanor with which he raised his hand and said, “no madam”. He didn’t feel angry, irritated, upset, belittled – nothing.

I want to go talk to this man again. I feel I have some unexpressed 'wordless' exchanges to catch up with.